11 days away

The closer I get to leaving for Haiti, the more aware I am of the enemy's attacks on my life. Boy is he coming on strong. My anxiety is worse than it's been in a while. My airplane dreams are crazier than ever. My nerves are high and short-fused. Up and down emotions. I think because this trip is encompassing a lot of unknown and a lot of firsts for me. My first time flying, my first time on a mission trip out of the country, being the farthest I've ever been away from home or my family/friends/comfort zone, my first time to be in complete reliance on the Lord. I know that's what He wants though. He is taking me somewhere to show me how much I need Him, and only Him. To teach me how to relinquish control of myself. To have me in a place where I am totally enveloped in His presence. So as I try to steer my thoughts away from my fears, I keep thinking how I have longed for quite a while to go and just love on these precious people. I know that God's hand is on this trip. I know this is the time and place I am supposed to go. He has opened doors and paved the way for this from the very beginning, before the thought of missions even entered my mind. Even though I am scared and nervous I am so thankful He chose this path for me. I can't say thank you enough to everyone who has supported me financially and has been covering me, my team, and this trip in prayer.

Lord, let it not be about me, but Your words spoken from my lips. Your love felt through my touch. I am merely just a vessel.

"Who among the gods is like you, Lord? Who is like you - majestic in holiness, awesome in glory, working wonders? In your unfailing love you will lead the people you have redeemed. In your strength you will guide them to your holy dwelling." Exodus 15: 11, 13

worry monster.

I think as humans, we are all our own worst enemy. I try and carry more burdens than I ought to. Problems of this life, of this world, of these people, are not mine to bear. They have to be turned over to the Father. Why is so hard to accept this most generous offer? Why is it so hard to let Him have our pain? Why is so hard to just approach the Throne and let it go? Ephesians 3:12 says I may approach God with freedom and CONFIDENCE. Confidence that all things work together for my good, because I love Him (Romans 8:28). How offensive it must be, to say "here, God, I'll loosen up the reins a little bit, but I won't give it all to you. I'll offer you pieces of my struggles, of my life, but I don't trust you enough to let you handle everything."

Guilty.
But I have no reason, no excuse to be. When has He never come through for me? When has He ever failed me?
.....never. not once. 
I am only failing myself by letting my mind wander to those places of distrust and unworthiness.

"We are not puppets. We are not robots. We can control our thoughts. Maybe not the first one, because sometimes we are bombarded with something from out of nowhere. But we can control where we let that thought go. The second thought is ours. We control it.
...Or maybe someone at work said or did something that created more work for me (Very annoying!) Things like that happen to all of us. But I have noticed that I can either nurse that feeling until it is magnified, or I can catch the thought and stop the avalanche of bad thoughts that only produce destruction." -Holly Wagner

Worrying only solidifies the act of not trusting the perfect and flawfless will of God. Worrying is not going to achieve His plan for my life.

I pray for the Lord to take captive my thoughts. I pray for Him to meet me in my dreams. I pray for myself to reflect every joy back upon Him and release every struggle to Him....and let it STAY with Him. Lord, help me to surrrender it all.

His Hands.

I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn't there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That you would take my pain away
You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crooked lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave your hands

When you walked upon the earth
You healed the broken, lost and hurt
I know you hate to see me cry
One day you will set all things right
Yeah, one day you will set all things right

When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave your hands

Your hands that shaped the world
Are holding me
They hold me still
Your hands that shaped the world
Are holding me
They hold me still

When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave you
When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave
I never leave your hands

To me this song is so beautiful. The lyrics are full of His promises. The Kingdom is unshakeable. No matter the trials we face, we remain in the palm of His perfect, loving hands. He is our safety and our refuge; our protector and healer. There is nothing in this world that I walk through alone. Circumstances that surround me are unsteady. But I have my HOPE and FOUNDATION in the Lord...the one constant and STABLE thing I can always count on, that can never be taken away from me.

So thankful.

Every high thing must come down.

All I can say is that this past weekend was phenomenal!! Friday night and most of the day Saturday I was at ReCreate, a women's conference held at my church. Some of the major things that really stuck out to me were...

• be a light, ALL the time. God is not a secret to be kept (Matt. 5:13-16 MSG). SHINE!
• God allows us to be in certain situations where we are DESPERATE for His power. This is something I think will be huge for me while I'm in Haiti. Fear, unfamiliarity, emotions I can't even begin to imagine...nothing, no one BUT God will get me through it.
• Fruit doesn't grow on mountain tops, it grows in the valleys. We are typically developed the most when facing a challenge. Courage grows in adversity.
• There are right and wrong responses to how we react to suffering. Focus more on what's happening IN you, rather than TO you. God always delivers. He has. He will. He will continue.
• God's love is inexhaustable. It reaches beyond all condemnation. He is always always always reaching out for me..I am his beloved.

Saturday night, after the conference, Darlene Zschech was recording her next live album at our church! We gathered the boys and enjoyed a fun and powerful night of worship! I was especially excited that Kari Jobe was there for a few songs...(I might be a little obsessed). That CD is going to be great for real.

Anyways, I got to thinking back to college days, and how my friends and I would get so excited for band parties and other events. Although fun at the time, I realized Saturday night that singing, dancing, jumping, and getting excited for Jesus is so much better and more fulfilling!! I don't regret that time in my life, but I am so thankful to be out of that stage and I'm just trying to focus on living out my sole purpose..to love and glorify God in every aspect of my life.

Every high thing must come down
Every stronghold shall be broken
You wear the victor's crown
You overcome, you overcome.

On my heart...

The YouVersion iphone app has a verse of the day. I usually open it at some point during my day, read the verse, and go on. Sometimes I'll read more of the passage...what is written before and after. Today's verse really struck me. The only thing visible on the screen were the first couple lines. Then I kept reading. It's nothing that I've never read or never heard before. But today, it hit me so hard.

He was looked down on and passed over,

    a man who suffered, who knew pain firsthand.

One look at him and people turned away.

    We looked down on him, thought he was scum.

But the fact is, it was our pains he carried—

    our disfigurements, all the things wrong with us.

We thought he brought it on himself,

    that God was punishing him for his own failures.

But it was our sins that did that to him,

    that ripped and tore and crushed him—our sins!

He took the punishment, and that made us whole.

    Through his bruises we get healed.

We’re all like sheep who’ve wandered off and gotten lost.

    We’ve all done our own thing, gone our own way.

And God has piled all our sins, everything we’ve done wrong,

    on him.

Isaiah 53:3-6, the Message 

I am so unworthy of this kind of love. When I read those words, I picture so much sadness on Jesus' face. Can you imagine someone disrespecting you, hating you so much, spitting on you, saying the worst words in the world to you? You SURELY wouldn't want to do anything nice for them. It would even be hard to simply forgive them. But Jesus did. He forgives. He is kind. He loves beyond any capacity our minds can understand. There is nothing sweeter.

place of FREEDOM

I love the weekends I get to spend with Joseph in Montgomery. It's really the only time we get quality "us" time. Since our best friends are in Birmingham, we are always on the GO when he comes up here...which I love too! There are no words to describe the relationships we are so lucky to have. Special, special people for sure! But it is also so nice to relax and be a bum for a few days :). I think it is definitely important for us to have time to reconnect and not be caught up in everything else going on in life. I am so thankful for the man of God he is, the encouragement and leadership he provides to me and others around him daily, and his genuine heart. I am thankful God changed us individually, so we can serve Him TOGETHER. Sappy, but had to brag on my man a little!

I've been reflecting a lot lately on the past few months. I have felt more joy, peace, and contentment than...ever. No, life is not perfect and every day is not sunflowers and cupcakes. But I try to focus on the GOOD in my life, there is so much. It's so easy to focus on the negative and be miserable. Happiness is a choice...daily. Wake up and choose to be joyful. Life is much much more enjoyable with a good attitude! And Jesus....oh how life is so wonderful with him!! He is so good.
And something else that is so good......Highlands Worship "Place of Freedom"

Can't..
Stop...
Listening....
Seriously... So good.
I love my church!
 

Heading to Haiti!

I already figured when I started this blog that I wouldn't have much to say...I guess I was right seeing as how it has been a good while since I have written anything.

The biggest thing happening in my life right now, I am excited to announce, is that in 3 months I will be traveling to HAITI for 8 days! For about the past year or so, the Lord has put a heavy burden on my heart to LOVE on the orphans. This trip has been something I have prayed about, doubted, had confirmation, and repeated the cycle several times. I have doubted that God would really use me. I have doubted my ability to function in circumstances so far beyond my comfort zone (including especially my FIRST flight!). I have doubted that I could afford it. But I have to remember all the promises in His Word. He will never leave me. He will go BEFORE me. He will go WITH me. He will provide. He will break my heart for the people I will meet and prepare their hearts to receive His goodness. I am so thankful to honestly have the most encouraging and supportive people behind me and to have a job that allows me to take this opportunity.

On the lighter side, Joseph and his mother have an "over/under" bet on how many Haitian babies I will try to bring home. Joseph's prediction is..."all of them" ha!

"And how will anyone go and tell them without being sent? That is why the Scriptures say, 'How beautiful are the feet of messengers who bring good news!'" Romans 10:15